February 9, 2010

  • I dreamed a dream....

    Last night I dreamt I was back in Newcastle, back at Burt Hall. I was surrounded by my friends and we were laughing and laughing. We were in the studio and we were working on paintings and we laughed and took breaks and we laughed and we walked to our science classes and laughed. We went to Starbucks on campus and we sat and laughed. We sat on our stoop and we were laughing. It was so comfortable and happy. It all felt so good and easy. And after the day was through we went to the pub and we talked and talked and we laughed and laughed… and someone said my hair was beautiful and kept running their fingers through my hair…. I am not sure about that last bit…. I guess that part proves that it was a dream because that part was a bit weird and to my best recollection I don’t remember that ever happening in a pub ☺ maybe my mind just added that part because I love having my hair played with and it was the only thing missing from an otherwise amazing dream… or was it a memory?

    So I woke up smiling for the first time in ages… I usually wake up with a swear word on my lips and my hand automatically in the air and forming ‘the bird’ to the day…really, its true, the actual 'bird'… but today I woke feeling happy and then I realized… it was only a dream and it was like a ton of bricks fell on me in my bed….. OUCH!!! (And then the swear word came and out came ‘the bird’… two handed and waving.)

    It is crazy how much I still miss my life at the BH, the studio, the work, the purpose, the feeling that I was working towards a goal that I wanted SO badly, the close, close friends, the adventure of it all, the laughing, laughing, laughing…. REAL laughing, the kind where you can’t breath and it hurts your stomach muscles and it even makes you cry. I still miss it so, so, so much. I miss every part of it. I even miss the hard parts because the hard parts made the good parts that much better… I miss waking up and being soooo excited for the day xx

    How do you get over a life you loved so much? How do you say its ok to not have that life anymore… is it insane that I am having such a hard time letting it go??? HOW DO YOU???? HOW?

    X

    I am going to try and have that dream again :)
    x