Month: April 2010

  • monotony : mo·not·o·ny

    n., pl., -nies.
    1. Uniformity or lack of variation in pitch, intonation, or inflection.
    2. Tedious sameness or repetitiousness: the monotony of daily routine.
    [Greek monotoniā, from monotonos, monotonous. See monotonous.]

    noun
    A tiresome lack of variety: humdrum, monotone, monotonousness, sameness.

    Definition: boredom; sameness

    or put a different way....
    "This party is old and uninviting.
    Participants all in black and white...."

    sleep-walking, going through the motions of life on autopilot....

    Antonyms to monotony: change, color, excitement, liveliness, variability, variety, versatility

    "You enter in full-blown technicolor.
    Nothing is the same after tonight...."

    alive! awake! full of presence, truth, wisdom and above all Love!

    Monotony is a noun. Its antonyms are VERBS :) love is a verb....

    I NEED more VERBS in my life
    X

    and I can always use a little more Brandon Boyde in my life....
    and more cowbell, definitely MORE COWBELL!

  • Today I got a referral.

    I cant tell you or even try to explain what it was like to call the client back and say... "Hi. This is Jennifer B......, I am a paintings conservator..... etc."
    .....Like a drink of water after crawling across the Mojave.... like breathing clearly after using your inhaler... like being even a little bit of the self that you used to be after feeling like a stranger to yourself for months....

    I hope I get the work, but it'll be trixy.... its another Japanese work with a tear in it... this time a folding screen... why do I keep getting Asian stuff? I WILL NOT COMPLAIN.

    See... we are building it and they are coming.... maybe.

    it was a MUCH needed phone call after the day I had at the S@*# job... I don't even want to talk about it today... that bad.

  • I was too tired and bummed last night when I posted these to say anything about them.... oops.

    Took both pups for a walk this weekend... separately of course... learned that lesson well the time they both dragged me down the street on my face... in front of a lot of people... grrrr....
    IMG_0197
    Wish i trusted him off the leash... Maddy was sooo good at that. She'd run and run but come right to me when it was time to buckle up again... but Gussy... he is shifty-eyed and not yet to be trusted in my book... plus he is so darn HUGE!!! In this tall grass he almost looks like a normal sized dog!!!

    IMG_0194
    He is wondering why we have stopped :) but the scene was too lovely to not snap a shot with the trusty iPhone x

    IMG_0199
    Such a pretty girl x and such a sweetheart... unless there is foodies.... or she wants to play the grab Jenns trousers game (then she is just hilarious).
    It will be fun to call these guys my own when M and D go to China. And hard to give them back when they come home. x

    P4242868
    Its coming along. The room was measured today (Monday) for how much flooring we need and its looking like maybe a week from Saturday it will be going in :) I so cannot wait to see it all in and ready to fit :) I better get cracking at that 'chester drawers'... it is all ready and waiting to be stained and polyurethaned .... I just don't wanna mess it up... it was a beast to strip and sand it!!!!!

    Funny work quote 5 million and 32.5.... I said to someone at work the other day... "We should all do something for Cinco de Mayo..." He said, "Oh Yeah!!! When IS Cinco de Mayo??" ..... long pause..... oh my..... reminds me of "I AM EL NINO!!! EL NINO IS SPANISH FOR.... THE NINO!!!!" LOL X

    XX

  • I missed earth day....

    Not really... I knew it was earth day a few days ago, but was all wrapped up in the excitement of Aveleen's arrival to the earth :) x

    But tonight I went and saw the movie "Oceans"... Disney's earth day movie this year. It was good. It was beautiful. I love the ocean. i love the creatures in the ocean. I love the smell of the ocean, the sound of it, the power of it, the immensity of it, its mystery.... I love just staring at it whether it is a calm sea or a stormy one. And I marvel at the crazy and beautiful living things that live in it. I wish we weren't polluting it.

    As i was watching it a funny random thought struck me. There was this beautiful little creature called a leafy sea dragon (a type of seahorse).
    LeafySeaDragon2
    These tiny sea horses live their whole lives in the same small area never leaving that space and not even changing their depth... if they do, they will die.

    Then there is the Humpback whale... who in a lifetime travels thousands of miles... some going from Alaska to Hawaii in a year's feeding/breading/birthing cycle... they are world travelers and they have to do it to survive.

    How different these 2 sea creatures are. One tiny, one gigantic, one surviving on their lives and environment NOT changing and the other thriving and surviving on change and being adaptable and adventurous.

    People are like that. There are so many different personalities in the world. Some could not survive being away from the place where they were born and raised and can't imagine a world outside their own protected lives... and others thrive on change and need to venture out in the world to find out what they are made of and what they can do in the world.

    The sea horse is beautiful and has its purpose... and is happy in its existence...... And the Humpback may not be as lovely to look at, I suppose, but the Humpback SINGS and BREACHES.....
    humpback-whale-at-the-south-african-coast
    Why? Because it CAN!!!

    The path it chooses is more dangerous but the Humpback sees the world... point A to point B and everything in between. I think I would rather be the Humpback......

    "I saw a man on the side of the road,
    With a sign that read 'will work for food'.
    Tried to look busy, 'til the light turned green.

    Now I saw a bear on TV and his friends were all drowning,
    ‘Cause their homes were turning to water.

    A strange, kinda sad, big old bear,
    Surely would happily eat me.
    He'd tear me to pieces, that bear.

    Wake up sleepy head,
    I think the sun's a little brighter today.
    Smile, and watch the icicles melt away, and see the water rising,
    Summer's here to stay, and all those summer games will last forever.
    Go down to the shore, kick off your shoes, dive in the empty ocean.

    Tell me everything will be okay if I just stay on my knees and keep praying.
    Believing in something,
    Tell me everything is all taken care of,
    By those qualified to take care of it all.

    One day, do you think we'll wake up in a world on its way to getting better?
    And if so can you tell me,
    How?

    I have been thinking that lately the blood is increasing,
    The tourniquets not keeping hold in spite of our twisting.
    Though we would like to believe we are, we are not in control,
    Though we would love to believe.

    Wake up sleepy head,
    I think the sun's a little brighter today.
    Smile, and watch the icicles melt away and see the water rising,
    Summer's here to stay, and those sweet summer girls will dance forever.
    Go down to the shore, kick off your shoes, dive in the empty ocean."

    I wish i could spend a day at the seashore.... i would clean up a small part of the beach.... just to say thank you x

  • I may know the word
    But not say it
    I may know the truth
    But not face 

    I may hear a sound
    A whisper, sacred & profound
    But turn my head
    Indifferent 

    I may know the word
    But not say it
    I may love the fruit
    But not taste it
    I may know the way
    To comfort & to soothe
    A worried face
    But fold my hands
    Indifferent 

    I may know the word
    But not say it
    This may be the time
    But I might waste it
    This may be the hour
    Something move me
    Someone prove me wrong
    Before night comes
    With indifference 

    If I'm on my knees
    I'm begging now
    Groping in the dark
    I'd be praying for deliverance
    From the night into the day
    But it's all gray here
    But it's all gray to me 

    I recognize the walls inside
    I recognize them all
    I've paced between them
    Chasing demons down
    Until they fall
    In fitful sleep
    Enough to keep their strength
    Enough to crawl
    Into my head
    With tangled threads
    They riddle me to solve 

    Again & again & again....


    the dreams will not stop....
    they just keep coming
    nightmare after nightmare
    again, again... again.

     
  • X AVELEEN VICTORIA BULLOCK X


    "I see you young and soft oh little baby
    little feet, little feet, little hands little baby
    one year of crying and the words creep up inside
    creep into your mind yeah
    so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
    so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
    'Cos here we have been standing for a long long time
    can't see the light
    treading trodden trails for a long long time..........."


    I am so happy to welcome this little beauty into the world :) x I think we will be friends... just like I think all my nieces and nephew are my friends x I love being an auntie x and this little girl has all the tools she will need to be a most amazing person.. with the parents she has she will be intelligent and street smart but she will also be crazy and funny and she will probably single handedly take on the world and win :)

    Babies remind me that we come into this world so fresh and new and full of potential... and like Dave said those of us who have been here for a while have been 'treading trodden trails' and sometimes cant or forget to 'see the light'. If there is one thing my nieces and nephews ABSOLUTELY DO FOR ME.... it is that... they help me see the light in life, the purity that can still be found in the world, the innocence and goodness, the potential, the hope, the joy. 

    Congratulations Deek and Kelly, for this new adventure you are starting and for bringing a beautiful soul into the world and also thank you for giving us the opportunity to meet her and love her and learn from her in this life. I cant wait to see all the things she will teach us and all that she will do and become and all the good she will do in the world x

    Love you 
    x

    and also.... i nearly got on a plane to come see you today... darn J.O.B. :(  

  • " I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. " --Mother Teresa

    X

  • so last year it seemed like everyone I knew was getting a new car...

    this year everyone I know is getting engaged... or if they are already engaged they are getting married... or if they are already married they are having a baby.... and some that are married and have babies are sadly splitting up... but for the most part it is joyful news all around. Mel just had baby Marus, Avaleen is expected any moment, baby bug is on its way, LOTS of my friends in England have either just had babies or are expecting soon, my friend Carlos is adopting a baby boy with his partner, Natalie and Greg just got married, Ais got married, Christian is getting married (I know.... shocker!!! and no one needs to worry... i am not in the least bit sad about that... only happy he finally found someone he can love enough to spend a life with :) I never loved Christian as much as i thought... I know what it feels like to really be in love now... and it wasn't that)

    ......and today i found out some very surprising news that 1. made me laugh OUT LOUD and 2. was secretly really quite hurtful to my ego..... and only confirms to my mind that I, indeed, must be the EASIEST person to 'get over' in all of the world!!!!! (ouch) not really.... but a little bit ouch.... you know seriously.... at least Christian had the decency to wait like 10 years before being so utterly over me that he could marry someone else :) LOL!!! .... men, so easily turned from one person they 'love' to another.... and how quickly and completely the former is forgotten....sigh... will i ever understand them???? nope.

    so i am trying to think of all the projects and things that I can do when i get home from work to keep my mind off of other things that constantly plague my mind... my theory is that if i am constantly in motion.... then maybe those ghosts will never fully catch up to me.... and yet they do... especially the last few nights I have had HORRIBLE nightmares that I cant seem to shake... the one last night was that I was having an opening for some of my jewelry in the boutique... and all my friends from England were coming to the opening... and my 'best friend' got there first but he was wearing lots and lots of layers as a disguise... and when all my other friends came he pushed me away and then ran away cos he didn't want them to know that he was my friend. there is more.... but I don't like it. and the other one.... tooo bad to talk about... i hated that dream... a lot. But it is proof that you cant run away from your 'issues' they want to work themselves out somehow... and dreams are a good outlet I guess.
    P4192848
    so here is one of the many projects I have going on.... stripping and refinishing a 'chester-drawers' ;) x for the studio....
    i will keep you posted on its progress... i know you are riveted ;)
    P4192850
    and i will just keep adding stuff... and adding stuff... until i don't feel anything anymore... do you think its possible? ....

    me either.