....been super busy.... and tomorrow headed to Bend for work. At least it is an AMAZING drive...

I am ready for the weekend already... and yet the weekends have been just as busy as the weeks lately. But.... I do have something to look forward to this weekend.... I got offered a ticket to the Stanford game!!!!!

I would gladly give it to one of my bros but since none of you will be here... I will don my girl jersey, put on my sparkly face Os and yell as loud as I can for all of you "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUCKS!" and look for me on TV!!!! x

I guess you really did it this time..
Left yourself and you're open.
Lost your balance on a tight rope.
Lost your mind trying to get it back.

Wasn't it easy in your lunch box days?
Always a bigger thing to crawl into...
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?

It's some things you can't speak about....

 But tonight you leave it all again..

 You wouldn't be shattered and on the floor now...

If only you were seeing what you know now... what would happen....

Wasn't it easy in your firefly catching days?
Everything out of reach...
Someone bigger brought down to you...
Wasn't it beautiful running wild til' you ran out of speed?
Before the monsters caught up to you....

It's okay...
Life is a tough crowd.
39 is still growing up now...
Who you are is not what you did.
You're still an innocent.

Time turns flames to embers...
You'll have new Septembers...
Everyone of us has messed up too.
Life changes like the weather,
I hope you remember...
Today is never too late to
Be brand new.

It's alright....
Just wait and see your string of lights are still bright to me.
Who you are is not who you've been...
You're still an innocent.

Lost your balance on a tight rope...
It's never too late to get back.

 

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

Ayn Rand

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."   
Theodore Roosevelt

 

I didn't want to do it... it was the "church family beach day" on Saturday. I really didn't want to go... but I got assigned the scavenger hunt activity for the little kids.... the oh so not subtle way of them trying to get me there.. So i went... but I went about 2 hours early, took the beasts and went to the South Jetty... surfer's mecca in the Florence area... and we had a GREAT time

and when it was time for the party we went... and I took my family, Sailor and Gus!!!! They were a HUGE hit. All the kids wanted to play with them and all the teenagers were getting in the surf with them and swimming in the water with them and taking turns throwing their new toy into the MONSTER waves that were hitting the shore and mom and dad... this is the best part for you... they did not ONCE bother anyone, go anywhere near the picnic table where all the food was, knock over or even go near any of the old ladies or men... they just played their hearts out in the sea and let people hug them, scratch them, snuggle them, swim along side them!!! And they were off leash the entire time :) x And the waves were so so so big... they even did a bit of body surfing!!! Sailor was riding those waves like a pro... Gussy got taken out a few times but he didn't care, he was right back in there... Ive never seen him so fearless :) x and here is another part you might enjoy... Dory was there.... really cute and REALLY mellow landseer... she was soooo boring!!!! And she is smaller than Sailor... and B. Turtura I really think could not take his eyes off Gus... he couldn't believe how big and gorgeous he is... and he really was particularly gorgeous on Saturday, as you may be able to tell from the pics I was so proud of.... what I am now just full on referring to as "MY DOGS"!!! They were such good kids and when it was time to go.... followed me right back to car and drank 5 gallons of water, got in car and slept all the way to the wash em yourself place... where I discovered thing #897 that is not so fun and a wee bit difficult to do by your onsie.... wash 2 newfies that each weigh more than me but they smell better and now only have 1/2 the sand on them that they had before :P

so here some of the bazillion pics that I took.... cos I know that Mom and Dad will want to see them and see how happy their best buddies are.... and they may have had a great day but Sailor told me she would have had more fun if her Dad was there and Gus said he missed his favourite part of going to the beach... having to rescue Mom when she inevitably falls in.... hehehe x

I think this one is my favorite x just look at Boaties' face

I was glad I took 'my family' to the 'family beach day' x 

 

Contrary to popular thought.... Living by yourself isn't always what people think it's cracked up to be... I mean, of course there are some nice things... Like when u forget ur towel in the bathroom there's noone waiting to see you slowly sneaking backwards and naked into your room, eh Sean?!! Hahaha!! BUT... I will say there are definite drawbacks... As in I had to haul a at least 150 pound easel from car up to studio all by my onsies... NOT EASY NOR FUN really. And in case you were wondering dad, nope ... Gus n Sailor were ABSOLUTELY NO HELP WHATSOEVER!!!! in fact they nearly caused several accidents on the stairs... Crazy monkeys. But... In more interesting news... There is a new lovely, sturdy easel in my studio :) just waiting for a panel. I also had to invest in a dehumidifier and a thermohygrometer.... Apparently the painting is being kept at 40% RH, my studio is typically at 55% but lately has been as high as 60%. Very expensive getting ready for this painting... Very expensive indeeeeeed!!!!!
There are some plans afoot for me to see Deekface and a duck game with him... And maybe a belated 30th birthday beatdown with scrubbs comemmorated by running a half marathon and then a muddy buddy bike/run/obstacle relay :) x could be adventurous x will be happy to have any visitors at any time... Now wud b good.... Somehow have to get the dehumidifier in the house and up the stairs now... Grrrrrr.... X

Me.... shooting a gun.

SHOCKING, I know!!!!

I shot riffles and hand guns... and I am apparently... "a natural"... meaning I hit just about every single target that I aimed for... even ones way way way far away and that were teeny tiny targets I was bad-ass, really.

seriously.... bad-ass

Here is Hannah Johnson taking a turn

and some familiar faces for Mom and Dad they all miss you and still talk about you.... and unfortunately have hatched a plan to have me meet their seminary teacher.... ugh.... its a no go... I have met him before.... nope, not gonna happen....

and this is what all such potential "suitors" will be met with if they even try.... cos why???? cos i am a bad-ass... and gussy would probably get em before I could x

yeah.... I wouldn't really mess with me if I were a dude right now.... unless you are father, brother, nephew, Gus... back off. xx

Nick Snider was particularly tickled that he had gotten a "Bullock" to shoot a gun... and like it.... he made me promise to not tell Dad he had taught me about guns.... but what's to hide... I think we all know I will probably never touch another one again in my life... though I did, of course, like that I was good at it  

x

yep.... it is nearly 2am.... and I am not sleeping. I have been having a lot of trouble settling my mind at night for sleep. It is super annoying and so tonight... between the hours of midnight and 2:30am the studio got a good clean and the entire upstairs got vacuumed... much to Gussy's annoyance and Sailor's dismay... they must thing I have gone completely bonkers.... they are probably right.

the solice and peace of sleep allude me... and it mattereth not... for when i dream lately it is in vivid nightmare. so there is no rest in that either.

in happier news.... My BFF (outside of the family) got some great news today her hubby got his visa and will be home on Thursday... just in time for her birthday!!! She is a happy girl... and he is a happy boy and I am happy that they will finally get to be together... and start living a normal life... together and in the USA yeah Nat and Greg... yeah American Embassy.... finally x

i am going to go try and sleep again x hope you are sleeping better than I am xx

 

This is not the end, this is not the beginning, just a voice like a riot rocking every revision. But you listen to the tone and the violet rhythm.. Though the words sound steady.. something empty's within 'em. 

With fists flying up in the air like we're holding onto something that's invisible there, cos we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear until we're dead.. It, forget it, Let it all disappear. 

Waiting for the end to come. Wishing I had strength to stand. This is not what I had planned... 
It's out of my control.... 

Flying at the speed of light, thoughts were spinning in my head. So many things were left unsaid... 
It's hard to let you go... 

Oh, I know what it takes to move on. I know how it feels to lie. All I wanna do is trade this life for something new...

Holding on to what I haven't got... 

Sitting in an empty room trying to forget the past. This was never meant to last... 
I wish it wasn't so... 

What was left when that fire was gone? I thought it felt right but that right was wrong. All caught up in the eye of the storm and trying to figure out what it's like moving on... 

And i don't even know what kind of things I've said... my mouth kept moving and my mind went dead. So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin? 
The hardest part of ending is starting again!! 

All I wanna do is trade this life for something new... 

Holding on to what I haven't got... 

Holding on to what I never really had.

xx

feeling particularly empty and sad lately... feeling the end of summer and warmth and light... feeling what is coming marching ever closer...

missing my mom... missing a sense of normalcy... missing a sense of knowing what the hell life is all about really... missing a lot of stuff. And missing stuff I have no business missing.

 

 

right now I am doing some serious multi-tasking

I am.... 1) dying my hair 2) making my infamous salsa verde for a fiesta lunch at work tomorrow... 3) emailing clients with updates about their paintings and trying to arrange how the MOA painting will get to me... 4) giving Sailor her meds and 5) updating my bloggy blog   Pretty awesome of me eh??? and all after working late and then going to YW where we were taught gun safety for next week's gun shooting activity.... to which I am viamately opposed but what do I have to say about that??? Nada really....

Sooooo... check out this GORGEOUS easel!!!!

 

I could NEVER afford it and it has bells and whistles that i don't really need but isn't it just lovely??? I love love LOVE it. so... can you tell that I am in the market for a new easel?? I recently got new lights for the studio but I really need a new easel that is not easily knocked over ... especially for the panel painting that is due to arrive soon. It is a heavy painting and will need more substantial support to hold it. I am looking at some less expensive ones but this is the one I dream of and really really love plus it would just look stunning in the studio :)

soooo many cool features :) ahhhhhh, I love it!!!!!! x

 

 

 

In other news.... have a listen to this if you love Soundgarden :) it is their newest single since getting back together I LOVE how the guitar sounds in this song... it seems to be the perfect backdrop for Chris Cornell's amazingly lovely voice... they really compliment each other. 

In related and breaking news.... there are rumors of concert dates throughout the NW for a Soundgarden reunion tour :):)!!!! I will be first in line!!! and i am strongly considering giving up the day job and the night/weekend job to follow Chris Cornell around haha x

October 9- Rose Quarter, Memorial Coliseum... Alice in Chains, Deftones, Mastodon... Who is in???? :):) i am excited!!! I am trying to decide if I want to be in seats or on the floor... I want to be dancing... I HATE going to a good concert and just sitting or standing there... like some old person... I wanna be dancing I LOVE dancing BUT.. i am also kinda smallish... i wouldn't want to be trampled by some spaz-o who doesn't bother to notice that I am next to him we will see..... :)

X

Well.... off to wash the goop out of my hair and finish the salsa xx

 

 

What an insane-O weekend!!! Where did it go I ask you?? where did it go.... Here is the crazy breakdown...

Friday

5pm leave work- straight home to pick up doggies and drive them to the country/kennel before 6pm

5:45 home to pack and lock up the house

6pm leave for Kathryn's

7:30 leave for Hillsboro, 2 hr drive to stay in the hotel before the race

Saturday

7am up, get ready have some breaky

8am leave for the race

9am check in and get ready

10am run the crazy Warrior Dash

2pm on the road again to be home in time for the Duck game

4:30 Home and I am straight away to pick up the pups from Kennel

5:15 home Had to wash the dogs as they reeeeeeaaaaaaked of kennel

6:15 had to wash self... as bathing in the cold mountain lake did NOT get all the mud off my body and did naot for helping my hair NOT to dread... scares me how quickly my hair would easily go into dreads if I let it....

7:15-7:50 got to see SOME of the Duck game... go ducks!!

8-11:45pm chaperoned a youth dance... and yes shorty got low, low, low, low... and shorty also got asked to dance by several teenagers it was humiliating for all of us when I had to tell them that I was a chaperon and couldn't dance with them... and hey, it was dark they couldn't have seen all my wrinkles and gray hair hehe

Sunday

9am- 11:30am  a meeting

12:30-4pm church

4:30-5:30 had to meet a co-worker at the office to help him pack up some stuff for a conference.... grrrr

6:00-8pm youth fireside... do you think it is strange that they can wear jeans to a Sunday night fireside but not to a youth dance??? I think that it is CRAZY.... but I don't make the weird rules...

8:15pm- time for crashing cos I had to get up Monday am and start the work week all over again!!! I am just saying.... INSANE weekend... if you can call it a weekend the race was sure fun... they have already announced that they are coming back to the NW next year.... as many of you as can should come for it :):) it was crazy and hard and I am still sore... but so so so so much fun  

so there.... there is where the weekend went  

x

Before......

After.....

xx

Good times, goood times...... x

more pics in album